How to avoid feeding someone's Grinch on Christmas day

Christmas has rapidly crept upon us and as always, we are all running around to tie up those loose ribbons before the big day. Amongst organising those last-minute Christmas presents and running to the store for any forgotten ingredients, it might also be worth putting a few minutes aside to consider how you can keep your loved one’s recovery in mind. 

As you can imagine, such a food-centred holiday can be a daunting experience to someone in recovery, but there are ways that we can support them through it:

1. Planning ahead. 

Festivities often mean a break in the usual routine, which can be a source of anxiety for those in recovery where structure and regularity is extremely important. It may be helpful to map out the day beforehand so your loved one has a better idea of what it might look like. This may include when sit-down meals with everyone will be, what food you are preparing or what others will be bringing, and what snacks will be readily available throughout the day.  

This can be as detailed or brief as desired. The goal is creating a comfortable environment, and knowing what to expect is step one. Depending on the stage of recovery, this might be an opportunity for them to be flexible and use some of the skills they have learnt from their support team. If they are on a meal plan, discussing how the meals can fit their requirements might be helpful.

2. Avoiding comments about people’s appearance. 

I think we have all had an experience where an Aunt Sue or someone else has mentioned something about the way we look and was oblivious to the absolute devastation they just delivered. Along with the obvious “you’ve gained weight” and its equivalents, a well-intentioned “you look so healthy” might have the same effect on someone in recovery. 

You can think about the voice of their eating disorder as a mini grinch in their ear all the time. When you comment on their appearance, it gives a megaphone to their grinch, who will bring up their insecurities and fears and steal their holiday cheer. These words might stay with them even after the holiday season is over. Instead of commenting on any appearance attributes, focus on something that helps keep them in the physical present, such as “you look like you’re having fun.” 

3. Speaking neutrally about eating and food.

Other throwaway comments that might seem harmless at first are those surrounding your own eating patterns! Self-deprecating comments can often be triggering; where after you say “I’ve been saving myself all day!”, the grinch has room to say “why didn’t you skip a meal to make room as well?” Similarly, “I’m going to have to walk it off!” or “I won’t need to eat breakfast after tonight!” might help justify the use or need for compensatory behaviours. It might also be difficult to enjoy certain foods if they’re labelled as “cheeky” or “a treat.” All foods are just foods, and they all have a space in a healthy relationship with food. 

Try to swap these negative labels of foods for more neutral terms (just call them what they are!) and shift your comments towards being positively focused on your own experience. This is as simple as “I really enjoyed that meal” and “I am looking forward to having x .” Adapting the way you talk about food and your own eating patterns might not only benefit your loved one in recovery, but also yourself! 

4. Providing distractions after meal times. 

In the spirit of continuing to stuff tinsel into the mouth of the grinch, keep your loved one busy after the meal! Engage them in conversations about things they are passionate about, ask them to watch a movie or tv show with you, or ignite some good old family rivalry with group games. 

This helps them to not linger on any self-imposed food rules they may have challenged during the meal, and keeps reinforcing their enjoyment of the holidays. 

Everyone deserves to feel that Christmas magic and the smallest changes can make such large differences for others. The way we talk about others, food, and eating is shaped over years and doesn’t change overnight, but keeping these in mind will help ensure your loved one is nourishing themselves over the holidays, instead of feeding their little grinch!